Thursday, 5 March 2015

Full moon rising


Its a full moon tonight, its at least 34 degrees, I've spent a good part of today at Centerlink getting nowhere fast.  My children had their first day back at school, Reef made it till the last bell (just) but Joel didn't make the first bell.  What a traumatic day.  Thank the good Lord for friends because if I didn't have them holding my hand, making phone calls to check up on me and bringing me bottles of wine I would be more of a mess than I currently am.
My crystals are bathing in the moonlight as we speak, the sweat is running down my brow and behind my knees and I'm getting over the demoralising experience that is inevitably Centerlink.  My boys have dusted themselves off and have both agreed that they will give school another go tomorrow  but maybe I will have to pick them at lunch time (just in case its too much for them).  I enjoyed the wine with my friend and even had a gin and tonic with mum and I'm doing OK (just)

I have friends looking after my financial affairs, friends looking after my well being, family looking after my health and my children holding my heart close to theirs.

I can survive, I will survive.  My children will continue to breath and keep taking those steps that are oh so difficult every day.  We will get out of bed each day, we will nourish our bodies, we will love with all our being.  Adam will be proud.  Adam will be with us.  Adam will hold us close.

In the words of Monty Python (Adam loved them)

"If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing."

Well I'm pretty crap at whistling and I don't feel much like dancing or singing but I will keep trying to find the beauty in life and the sunshine in every day.   I can't help but sing the first two lines of the next verse of the above song (Bright side of life) which is

"Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it"

Life sure is confusing if nothing else.  I never would have thought that my beautiful life would come to such a dramatic halt.  I'm still numb and don't think I have truly accepted that Adam isn't coming home.

I am feeling so overwhelmed by my community, the kindness, love and support during this time of grief and sadness had been over whelming.  The generosity shown to us has been so humbling and there are no words big enough that I can find that can express my thanks.
I knew how exceptional Adam was, he was my husband, my best friend and partner for life......I just wish I had him for a while longer. However, I did not know just how much he touched the lives of so many others.  It makes me all the more proud to have been his wife, what a privileged for me.

I know that life is going to be tough now, I know its going to be a challenge but I also know that I have a strong safety net that is keeping me and my boys safe.



ps:  I'm going to have another G&T to try and cool down - do yourself a favour and go pour yourself a drink......for Adam xx